Musings from a New Mom

I can ( and can’t ) believe that I have not sat for a moment and captured all of the amazing experiences and emotions from the last few weeks. Since May 4th, and honestly for months prior, my mind and heart have been filled with so many thoughts and feelings. Posts written, journal entries made and notes to my daughters written all in my mind. These are the realities of a new mom.

There is so much that has happened and that has changed in a few short weeks, where to begin.

1. The love of family and friends, and the importance of Community:
I think the biggest surprise and gift has been the amazing connection with the girls and the realization that we have an incredible family, great friends and a community of people ( some known and some new over these last weeks ) in our lives. Often with the day to day stuff that we are often involved in, I miss this and am so focused on “doing” or “getting” something done. I think that in part part of creating or building a family is the opportunity to build it with others and recognize all of the emotions that are present and truly experiencing them. Life is about living rich and emotional lives, connected with people and allowing all to grow.
Over the last few weeks many people have said ( along w/more articles then I can count ) make sure to nap and limit visitors which is wonderful advice. We have found though that our family and friends have been a great source of love, joy and encouragement and that we want to make sure all of them are able to participate and that the girls have the chance to feel and build on this love.
For us this means starting slowly with family and super close friends, with some days that are visitor free and truly allowing everyone to connect during these times..Lots of holding and bonding with the girls, tons of photos, easy and casual conversation and simple snacks to keep life easy.

2. Understand your families priorities and build on these dreams.
Since we were expanding our family, and I was experiencing motherhood for the first time, there is/was a delicate balance of making sure our older kids could completely connect and participate with their sisters, and for me making sure I was taking care of the girls and watching over them. With our three older kids desirous of holding, helping and just hanging out with the babies, I found myself getting a bit anxious at times. In a few short days, Scott and I found things that they could do with ease, and that made them feel good and a complete part of the process. As older brothers and sisters, there was such pride and simple adjustments made us all feel a part of our new family.
Our simple thoughts…
-Older kids always have to be seated when holding the girls, and putting them in the crib, stoller or walking around was a role for the parents. The nursing pillow should always be on their lap to give the babies more support-and helps them get into a different frame of mind
-Nap time should happen in a different enviornment so kids are not tempted to wake or interact with the babies..Still working on this, and in the interim have given our youngest a nickname “Boy who wakes sleeping sisters ” Sharing that the babies grow the most when sleeping, and that they will be able to do more once they grow helps a bit !
-Come up with ideas for them to participate; taking a walk and pushing the stroller, picking out an outfit for the day, reading a book at night are all great ways for them to help.
-Take lots of photos of the kids with their new siblings. Definately send them to teachers and depending on age, share so they can send to friends. I totally undersestimated how proud they would be, and their desire to share. If possible, an outing to a school event once ok with you and the pediatrician ( looking only-no touching! ) is a great way for all of their worlds to come together.

3. Know yourself
I feel fortunate to have an amazing and supportive husband. Emotionally connected and very aware of what challenges might come up for me/us- breast feeding, physical challenges and changes, emotional ups and downs, feeling a bit isolated and general personal care where all things that we talked about and laughed about. With his understanding and gentle and loving support-meals were made, breast feeding and feedings were shared by both of us, self care and daily routines ( ok-sometimes I miss a day ) were made easy and friends and family were welcomed with love.
Knowing as well that he was only home for a few weeks, social connections were made for the days and weeks ahead. Friends that I had always wanted to spend time with but had not, a plan for some help during the week and a continued connection with those we had learned so much from..new moms group, lactation specialists and regular calls with family.

The most important thing I have learned is to allow yourself to truly connect with what ever I am feeling, to talk with him and to laugh. On the day I was feeling guilty about suplementing nursuing with formula, I also calculated that I would spend 16 hours or more nursing if I did not do that..After a night when I found myself thinking about not changing a diaper so I could get 5 more minutes of sleep, we laughed about thinking the same way, and came up with a new plan that worked like a dream. After a tramautic first bath experience, he made a festive champagne cocktail-the first drink in more then 12 months..

Ok, I could go on and on…what I am desirous of now, is capturing, sharing and learning from others during this amazing time. There is so much to learn, love and laugh about and such a community. So, over the next weeks, months and years, I can see many a post about the lessons of parenting. What I would most love is to build on these stories together…There is a longer term vision here, and this is just the begining.

So in that spirit, please do share..Resources, stories and anything that comes to mind. As I have learned so well in the last weeks and months, it will be more meaningful and rewarding for us all.

This entry was posted on Friday, May 29th, 2009 at 2:33 am and is filed under musings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.