I’ve missed sitting down at the computer over the last few weeks. So many thoughts, emotions and bits of information have been spinning around in my mind. I often find the art of putting it to words, also helps clarify things for me and perhaps even more helpful, connects me to others out there. I am constantly amazed by the people who have told me they read these posts, or some of our other communication and have found a connection. In each of those conversations, another connection is formed, and an opportunity for conversation.
Where to begin. So many thoughts and topics to choose from. Let’s start with the one that has occupied so much thought over the last few weeks and months, and one that I have hesitated to talk about for fear that it may be too controversial or personal.
But, as I have found, those are often the one with the greatest lessons.
So here we go, Breastfeeding.
Early on in my pregnancy a friend shared an article with me, which I share here…At the time, I don’t think I could completely appreciate what a gift this was.
You see, I have always been some one, who is fairly hard on myself. Usually thinking, in any situation about what I could have done better and what I might do differently next time. Pushing myself to fully appreciate and enjoy what I have been given in life, but trying hard as well to make sure others feel good about who they are and what they have done. The journey toward motherhood has been a bit different. Slowly at first, giving voice to my own strong desire to have children and to expand our family. Reaching out for help along the way, and following our own desires about when and how we would proceed with the recomendations that were made to us. Being thrilled to find out that we were pregnant with twins and knowing as well, this is what was meant to be. Taking each day of the pregnancy in stride, an easy few months, with a small amount of bedrest and finally our wonderful girls born via c-section.
All through out, knowing that as each part of the journey presented itself, we would know what to do and would trust that things were happening as they were meant to. I truly feel blessed and would not change a thing. Questions or comments were made by some along the way, implying that there were elements of this journey that were greater or less then others…To me this held no weight or interest. What was of interest, was letting others know when it came up that our own journey through IVF was the greatest path to motherhood I could take. That in waiting to find the right husband, that years had passed and those years made our own chances rather slim. That having a planned ( and then emergency ) c-section, was the right thing for us to do for the health of our daughters and for me…as I shared those stories and are path, providing others with the hope that they too could see a future as they had hoped, and that the art of parenting is not about how you got there, but what to do when you arrive could provide comfort.
Perhaps, that is why, for the first time, in the role of parent, I have struggled with the first of many decisions to come.
The struggle around how long I could breastfeed. I think at first, I set out as I had through out my pregnancy. Pleasantly surprised that I was able to nurse both the girls, I was thrilled to have gotten some really kind and helpful advice while I was in the hospital. Yes, there were some contradictory ideas from some of the nurses, and some over enthusiastic types who made me fear I was doing it wrong, but then, just when I needed it most, the kind patient teacher arrived on the scene, and I admit I was able to truly relax. Rented pump in hand as we left the hospital, I felt confident and was off to a good start.
Over the next few weeks, balancing nursing, pumping and some ( minimal ) amounts of formula, we all found our rythym. The girls were happy and growing, I felt good about the process and my husband and our older kids could participate as well.
As time passed, a good routine, and some observations that started to enter my mind…
No need to go into the specific ( though I am happy to if interested ) but I will say this, trust yourself, believe in yourself and allow yourself the love and support of your life partner. There is a community of people out there as well who have made choices that have worked well for them, and are happy to share. Hear it not as a model of what you should do, but as a reminder that for as many parents as there are, there is that number of examples of what and how to do something. The friend who shares that she breastfed her twins for 18 months, is not putting that out for you to march towards as a goal but as something she is proud of. She was equally supportive in telling you the pains that came along the way. The friend that shared that she couldn’t breast feed with one of her children, but did with the others until about 4 months was equally trying to show support and the delicate nature of this topic..At 9 weeks, it was time for me to start to transition to bottle feeding only..
So, I learn again, and it is here I want to share what I have come to understand.
1. I need to allow myself to fully participate in every experience, and not be afraid of sharing the fantasy or picture of what is in my mind.
2. Get comfortable connecting with any struggles that I come up against. Sit, and reflect on what I am really thinking and feeling.
3. Be honest about these thoughts and feelings. Talk with my husband and father of our children. His support, love and honesty is unwavering ( and he has an amazing capacity to be both emotionally aware and incredibly well informed )
4. Take the time to learn and read about the subject at hand.
5.Think about what is best for our family, our children and for us and individuals. Appreciate that every family is different and stay connected and clear on what is best for us.
6. Open up to the community of women who are around me, and have nothing but love and good intention in their heart ( more on this another day )
7. Be patient when looking for an answer and be honest when I have come up with one.
8. Follow my heart and forgive myself.
So, I go back again to February and the sharing of the article by my friend. In sharing, she tried to tell me all of the above. That there is no best way, and that like so many who have struggled before me, it is about making choices and trusting that in the end, the love and the good intention will all come through.
photo from here
